in an airport in algiers, waiting for my transit flight to casablanca. can’t believe i’m not in jordan anymore. the sun was rising when i left for the airport at 6 am, and it was so beautiful to see the peachy hue of the morning splashed across the sky. jordan is a gorgeous place. it’s got some really great sites. jordan is pretty conservative, most women dawn some sort of head/body covering. it’ll be interesting to compare the degrees of conservation in jordan with those in morocco, it’s been 5 years since i’ve been so i can’t really recall my impressions from last trip. amman is also very modern. It’s interesting because it’s a city in country so very seeped in history. petra is like seattleites going to Vancouver bc, a fun place to go, no big deal. except that it is. and the dead sea! wow! amman is actually a very cool city with different subcultures – on the one hand it is religiously conservative, but it doesn’t mean everyone observes to the same degree (e.g. the wearing of the hijab, for example). It has a raging art scene and indie music scene. you can always find something to do, see, get involved in. overall, i think it is a great place to study arabic. it’s safe and the local dialect is close enough to the modern standard arabic (used in formal contexts – media, the quran, ect.), which i have studied for the last 2 years that it’s not too hard to pick up. although i was reminded of being a foreigner all the time – constantly getting “welcomed to jordan,” had comments related to my race and cat calls directed at me on the streets, being overcharged for taxi rides --, even though all i wanted was to feel completely apart of the culture (that includes being treated like i belong in the culture), i made jordanian friends that make me feel i have roots in amman now. not everyone i met was the greatest person, but the quality people that i did meet made my stay that much worthwhile. learned lots about the culture – jordanian (perhaps arab, as well) values, local foods, some slang, how to walk on the streets, how to catch a cab without getting ripped off, best times to catch cab, how to take the bus, ect. ect.
it’s one thing to stay in the middle east for 2 weeks like i had in 2008, and going with an itinerary: 1 week homestay then tour the country with other moroccan girls your age. it was set up in way that cultural exchange and friendships could occur fluidly. in jordan, i had to work for it more. in jordan, i was forced to carve out an existence for myself, a routine. you had to adjust your mindset for the 2 months, for the long stay, and to remind yourself how blessed of an opportunity it is, that if you don’t make the most of the moment, you’ll regret it when it’s gone. i don’t know that i always did that and those were the hardest times for me. i think i did an okay job with that. made some friends, plugged myself into church, formed friendships with people in my class, volunteered. it’s funny, i feel like i formed more lasting bonds with the jordanians that i met than my pre-dominately american classmates.
studying abroad is hard because while you want to do well in your classes, you also want to feel like you’re abroad. coffee shops got expensive after a while, so i would often study and do homework in my room and there was this great disconnect from the rest of jordan. this internal battle. at the one hand, i wanted to study enough arabic to see great progress later, but at the same time, i don’t just want to be reading about the language, i want to go out and use the language. i think abroad experiences for girls are different than guys because as girls, we are more limited in when and where we go out. i would’ve gone to parks and explored the city on my own more, expect that it is not very safe and everytime i am out on my own, i have this unstead feeling that prevents me from really enjoying the country. so there’s that factor as well. and qasid institute, the language institute that i was taking arabic 4 hours a day from. honestly, if i were to do it again, i don’t know if i would choose qasid. it was hard not to feel closed off from the rest of the world. maybe an on-campus study abroad would offer a more ideal experience. don’t get me wrong, the instructors are so personal, engaging, and invested in their students success; the staff is fantastic and everything is so well organized (you definitely feel like the support that everyone wants from their host site); there was enough rigor in the curriculum to challenge you, but i just felt like, again, i often found myself in my room. but if I were a student at jordan university, the libraries would be that much more accessible, and i would be able to compare my experiences as a university student in the states with my experiences as a university student, at a university, in the middle east. but enough with the “what if’s,” this has honestly been a really great experience. not always easy but i think i definitely experienced growth from the troubles i faced.
In closing, i’d just like to discuss my thoughts on the language. the great education at qasid coupled with the immersion experience of being in amman was really good for my language, growth, i think. there are phrases you hear from people all the time, it makes it easier to remember them. also, i was always forced to think and use the language. because my class is so small, we were speaking all the time. also, i was constantly thinking of ways to word things, use certain grammatical terms, in a way that i would be able to communicate with the people around me (e.g. friends, taxi drivers, store clerks). i wanted to be understood and i had the basic tools to do that. it was a lot of work to have your mind always fired up like that, but it was pretty neat in terms of the language maturity i gained from it, i think. because i was already active in thinking about how i would say certain things, my brain was already turned on and ready for comprehension. i think I still have this problem, but noticeably before, language comprehension would scare me. i hated OPI’s and would get really stressed about it because a slew of arabic would come at me and i would just blank out. now, i have learned to be afraid of it. maybe because i’m already thinking of the language, it’s not something that catches me off guard. but also, arabic isn’t something that i’m afraid of anymore. i’m making baby steps but i feel like it’s a language that i slowly, slowly able to call my own. there was definitely a point where i was so sick of arabic, there was just so much of it going on it in my life, i was done. i think that often occurred when i got frustrated with the level of difficulty. so more to come of that in the future, i’m sure. my happiest achievement is the confidence i have gained with my language use. even if i’m unsure of a word or how to say anything, i am more concerned with reaching people, communicating with them, than looking good. often, i make a fool of myself, but i learn from my mistakes. and i think the greatest catalyst to my growth in confidence is the sense of achievement i gained whenever someone understood me, whenever i felt like, “man, this fucking language? i know it! i just said something in it! and people got it!” as i head into the next 10 days in morocco, i hope to continue to exercise my language as much as i did and needed to in jordan. i’m excited to compare and contrast things i observe about the language, people, culture. and i’ll finally be free of my studies, so i’m excited to just vacation, have fun, relax. enjoy.
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